The bravest step you will ever take is the one that lets you turn and face your fear. After that, it really does get easier, regardless of whether you like what you find or not. EB♥
Frank Herbert, in Dune, phrased it another way: “Fear is a mind killer. I will face my fear; I let it pass through me. When I turn, there will be nothing. Only I will remain”.
That first step can be soooo HARD!! I don’t know about you, but almost every time, I’m afraid that, somehow, I’ll be annihilated and wiped out, or dead, or something else I don’t even have a word for. What I do know for sure is I really really don’t want to take that first step.
Then I remember: each time I’ve taken that step, I’ve come out the other side stronger and more free. It eats up tremendous energy, following that bunny trail of fear thoughts. I would rather use that energy on something FUN!! Like laughing or playing.
How, exactly, can you do that – turn around and face the fear? That made no sense to me for many years. Turn around what, how? Gradually, I came to an understanding and a process that works for me. I offer it here for you to try out and see if it works for you.
When I’m feeling fear, it is usually about something specific. The first thing I do is tell myself “STOP”. That’s it, just “STOP!”
Then I take a look at the thought I was just having. What was the thought before that one? And the one before that? And the one before that? I follow the thoughts back as far as I can. What I usually find is that they have jumped around in the most amazing way and, horror, have anywhere from zero to negative zero relation to where I ended up. I mean, really! That’s nuts! Yup.
Which brings you back to the fear thought that had you tied up in knots, belly twisted, feeling panicked, or however else it is that you feel fear. Now you know that the thought itself isn’t really based on anything, just a random sequence of vaguely (maybe) connected thoughts. So . . . what is it about THAT thought that has me so scared?
The core source of most of my fears generally boils down to self-judgment and feeling vulnerable. That I somehow am not being or acting as I “should” based on beliefs I established at some point in my life. What is sobering is realizing that all of my friends and loved ones see me as I am (good and not so) and they love me anyway (and sometimes even because of).
And still, I hold on to those old beliefs, created in response to life situations I rarely even remember any more. These fears are your key to unlocking and dismantling the beliefs that keep you tied up in knots and small.
When you allow yourself to face the fear, you begin to take it apart. Just that single step begins the process. You can then see how it connects to a belief. Once you’ve identified the belief, you can decide what you want to do about that belief.
- Is it truly helpful (“Stoves are hot. Stoves burn. Don’t put your hand on a hot stove.” – THAT’s a keeper!)
- or is it limiting (“My father told me I was stupid at algebra, therefore I don’t understand anything to do with math., therefore I’m a failure.” — NOT a keeper – and also not true.)
I’ll warn you, some of these beliefs just can’t believe you’re serious about letting them go. You may find yourself being tested. Just remember: it’s little, scared you testing big, strong You. Big, strong, conscious You gets to choose.
I’ll leave you with this:
“Become the sky. Take an axe to the prison wall. Escape. Walk out like someone suddenly born into color. Do it now.” ~ Rumi
The prison wall (your fear) is paper-thin. I invite you to take that step through the smashed prison wall … even just a little tip-toe step . . . into the dream and the passion your heart yearns for.. Whether a new step or a step more deeply in, let yourself discover the new color … and freedom! EB♥
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